Dammit Chance.

So....I want to go on record and say I KNEW this would happen. I knew the very moment someone who actually showed interest in me popped into the picture, Chance would start to step his game up. The "I miss you" text flood gates have opened.

I've been here before. This territory is ALL to familiar and I don't like it one bit.(Remember, the one?) New York is sitting 22 hours away, patiently awaiting my return to the Northeast  (in 37 days to be exact)  and in pops Chance. I have a  theory. My theory is one I wish were not true, but in order for you to understand I need to provide a bit of historical data.

I began this year, 72 lbs heavier than I am today. Chance knew me at my heaviest, and the connection was there....regardless but he never made a move on it. My theory is that he was extremely uncomfortable of my size at the time. He, by no means, wanted to be seen cuddled up to someone who was not a Maxim model. Now, do keep in mind,  he is no Brad Pitt himself.  And one thing is for damn sure, if you can't love me when I am busting out of my plus size jeans, then you sure as hell do not deserve to reap the benefits of my shrinking physique.

More history, I meet New York in March. Probably about 50 lbs heavier than I am today. That is how he knew me. And at that weight, beer goggles or not, he found me "stunningly beautiful", and vocalized that several times.  Better Yet, when we reconnected on the 4th of July, He told me I looked nice, but little was discussed of the weight loss. Just that I was stunningly beautiful. He did, however re-iterate that he found me just as gorgeous that day in March as he did as we sat on the beach wall. That, my friends is acceptance.

History provided, and all things considered, is Chance's new found spark burning so bright because my waist line is shrinking, or is it because he knows there is a new player in the game?  (And Yes, I did share that information with him, and he informed me that it is absolutely appalling that I would talk to, let alone date a yankees fan)  Either way I doubt it is genuine....but who am I to know that for sure?

What I do know is this. I am tired of uncertainties, and where do we stands? I want consistency. . . and commitment. Both of which I think Chance is incapable of providing...

So I sit back and take it all in....and hope that my heart will provide some direction since my head has definitely tapped into over-analyzing mode...and on that note, I'm going for a run.