Four Days....

Four more days til I head north again. Four more days til' I fly my body to where my heart already is. It's insane. I was just home a month ago, but it feels like years. 

The best part of going home now is that it is just getting me ready little by little for the transition. The transition that with the help of amazing friends, an even more amazing mother, and a 6'6'' chunk of amazing  man has fast-forwarded immensely. I am going home....a decision that is definite. I have never been so sure of anything in my life. . . and I know I will start 2012 in a different place where my future can really begin. Life doesn't get much more exciting than that folks.

One week from this very moment, I will be in his arms. I don't know how else to explain it, but to say that at that moment. I am "home". It's different. It's scary. It's exciting all at the same time. I anticipate the hurt. I anticipate the pain. But it just never shows up. It's been replaced by a feeling of warmth and unconditional acceptance. If you had told me on March 30th that the arrogant asshole across the bar would have been stealing my heart...I would have politely told you that you could kiss my Yankee-hating ass. . . Funny how things turn out some time.

I'll keep you posted....

Defense Mechanism

I have a natural instinct. Some would call it a defense mechanism.  I feel myself getting close to someone and I begin stacking bricks....little by little I nit pick until I push away whoever that person is further and further away.

So this time I decided to do things a little different. I felt it happening...I felt the emotions closing in on New York...and almost instantly I felt the walls going up. I began  to question little things, and although they may have been merited in some way, I found very quickly that I was going to push this man away...so this time I picked up the phone. I called New York and I put it all on the table.

I shared my secret. my routine if you may. I told New York what I was doing and I asked him to stop me. I asked him to remind me that he was not the man that broke my heart. because for once, I felt like maybe, just maybe, this one could be worth the chance.

"I hope that you see right through my walls. I hope that you catch me, cause I'm already falling...You put your arms around me and I'm home."